Woke up one morning and saw that someone I know by name but never worked with called an all hands meeting 2 hours from the time I saw it. That is never good. In the end a quick Google search told me everything that I needed to know about my meeting. The company was done. Que sera, sera.
If you been through this you may be reliving what I am living through now. A tightening of the chest. Feeling uncertain. A bit disconnected. Yeah. All those feels. I am writing this here well before I tell extended family because I am thinking about my brothers and sisters that have gone through this before. Going through it now. Or will go through this in the future.
I keep telling myself that I am not my work. I am more than an individual contributor behind a keyboard. I don’t always know this. I bet sometimes you do too. It has been normalized but it is not okay. It should not be okay by anyone. Not today.
When parents want better for their children its typically goal related. To get that job or degree. That has evolved for some to want their kids to be healthy and happy. It really just occurred to me today other than a few errant high level phrases, I don’t think I ever really had a talk with my parents of elders who were not in my career about what it is to be a successful worker.
Work ethic, yes. My father worked his fingers, shoulders, ankles and knees to the bone. Our parents were conditioned to not rock the boat. Do what you are told. Shut up and take it for the paycheck.
About 24 years ago I worked for a man who told me that there were things that he was still trying to figure out about being a boss, an employee and a human. He was no forward thinker as I reflect on it, he just had no idea what to do like most of us do through out our work arc.
He used puppets in staff meetings. Would take us out to strange restaurants for team building. We went for drives. We even went to the movies in the middle of the day. I was young and dumb. I did what was asked, I went where I was told, and I thought there was going to be some grand realization about what all that random stuff meant.
So here I am with these two strange examples, the certainty of ethic and doggedness of loyalty versus random stray creative energy assigned to complex problems. Where was I going to land? And why am I talking about it here and now? I just got fired along with the rest of my company. Chemistry can be a cruel mistress in the pharma world.
I think I am reminding myself. Precision application of my skillset is key. Panic does me nothing. Trusting in my abilities and my expertise just like everyone else does who will never know the decisions I make but affects their life.
My dad did not always know. My first boss/mentor certainly did not. What I got from them is to ask the question of myself. What kind of employee do I want to be?
I want to have the best work ethic I can have for the day that I am having.
I want to realize that every day cannot be my best, even if I want it to be.
I probably mess up more than I ever realize; don’t harp on the ones that I self notice and then end up owning myself.
I want my work to have purpose for everyone I work with, work for, or who my work product affects. Even if they don’t always now it.
The recognition of a paycheck is enough for them, it should be enough for me. That should cut both ways. They pay me for a job. When that job is done I need to know that I am done.
I need to value the people I work with, even if its hard truths, tough expectations, or to tell them how to give the level of service that I expect.
I need to value the people I work with through verbalizing my appreciation for their meeting my expectations and celebrating when they surpass it. How you ask does that jibe with number 5, it is a one way valve.
I want to lead.
I want to make leaders.
I want to make a living to live, not just work.
Hard work is a good thing. Excessive hard work does happen. But I need to give myself a break. Even with all that, failures happen. Decisions are made. And I need to remember its not personal.
I will never work past the limitation that I am human.
All of this evolves. Some of this wording and rationale will be lost with the tempering of age. I hope not. I want what I do in the back end of my career punctuated not just by project successes but by being the best person I could be. Not just an employee. Thank you for listening. By the way, that is a really marketable and human soft skill.