This is a small community. Let's accept that and move on. I know I have screwed up in the past. I know I will continue to screw up. I am evolving as a professional and as a human being all at the same time. I give myself some grace as long as I am actively trying to grow, be empathetic and introspective. Be honest with myself and others as much as I can be.
That being said I have always known that this 'legacy' is about the decisions and people that I care for. I have to care for them all but not all of them individually. If you are fucking up and hurting the collective, I can ask you how you are doing and try to get you help as I move you out of the area that you are impacting. It is about both the good and the individual. And furthermore, if you are not going to play our reindeer games, I am going to do my best until I have to ask you to go home.
Also, there are times when the 'system' stops me from doing what I want to do. They remove the force and power from the role. It is not always nefarious but it is often where policies are so broad that they don't leave room for a person to make things right. Let alone the pressures of the role itself. You can still have integrity there it just sucks because it does not feel right.
There are three settings to people in this industry, they love you, they are lukewarm to you, or they hate you. The percentage is like 1%/90%/10% for the roles I have been with. The 90%/10% can change depending on how you conduct yourself or likely they will flip. The goal is that regardless they respect the role. That you did everything you could for the role and for the people who execute the role.
There are those in the role I was in that in their flexibility and empathy they end up not standing for anything. The yield to pressure and 'authority' without compliance. They are the ones who say they are just doing their job but do not have any true understanding of what their job is.
It is about the integrity and the culture that matters. I have been using the phrase "it is theirs to break" for a long while now. It is theirs. It does not mean that you have to help them. Don't be an ass. Speak the truth. Don't hurt people, but help the system be better for everyone.
If you can't make a fucking decision on your own then don't do the role. If you are listening to a voice because they are all about control and you don't feel you have any control, then resign. Don't leave the chair worse. Don't just take a paycheck and yield to power. Tell them what can be done, what can't be done, and what should not be done. Don't beat your people harder for more. Don't keep asking them for more output for one more time.
Hold them to their words, their policies, their vision statements.
Bold initiatives are an admission of sins from the past. The sentences are served by the people who did not break it. That is the unfortunate thing. Be the person screaming about the need for the initiative. Value the people that are going to make it better.
Be well.